The last few weeks have been brutal. I’ve been struggling immensely and trying to hold it all together for my family, who are not well at all themselves.

Mum has finally come through the bad patch after her last round of chemo, I think. We are getting more stuff done together. Yesterday, especially. We crashed in the afternoon and didn’t finish what we’d wanted to do, but looking back, we still got a lot done!

Yesterday was a day of:

(letter writing)…

(a hand picked, home grown, haul of strawbs)…

(christmas gift wrapping)…

(restocking the Nespresso pod situation)…

And so much more. (Making plans with best friend included!) I ordered a few more gifts online and am feeling good with how I’m sitting in regards to Christmas creeping up. We’ve just got to put the finishing touches on the tree, and that will be finished and reminding us that each and every day with every struggle, that it is all about love and getting through it together and magic moments at this time of year.

Next weekend we are flying to Canberra to visit the church of a small town not far away called Hall, where Mum and Dad got married in 1983! We’re all really working towards that.

I have been not taking as much medication recently, I’m trying to come off the seroquel completely but am doing it properly for Mum instead of usually saying “that’s it!” and stopping cold turkey. I’ve been a bit naughty, my PRN situation hasn’t been the best so I’ve been holding back on that front too, waiting for my case manager to sort out a script. I probably let myself go a little bit too far considering I’m trying to keep myself well and out of hospital and with the family. But I let my case manager come to the house to drop off my script, something I’ve never done before. But I was so appreciative of her sourcing it, and wanting to drop it off so I didn’t have to suffer, so I let her come closer to my sacred place, the family home, then I ever have before!

We saw my bio analysis doctor @ Tweed this week. Things are basically staying the same, on the same nutritional supplements for “over methylation” plus adding zinc again, and he is using my case at a Melbourne conference soon. I cannot speak more highly of the guy and what he’s done for me. I credit his regime to helping me get through mums diagnosis and the difficulties I’ve been having lately. And although the voice is still bad, and tells me not to take anything, I feel better about his stuff over the pharmaceutical drugs- the antipsychotics and benzodiazepines etc, because A) none of the nasty side effects and B) it’s all natural, it’s got to be better for me! I think folic acid is one of the key ingredients in my mix. He did say people with my diagnosis shouldn’t expect to be taken off the antipsychotics etc completely, but to take less in the long run and let both parties work together.

Enough of the boring stuff! I’m tired, oh gosh darn it am I tired, and I have alot of Christmas cards to write and gifts to wrap tomorrow (today really, it’s 5AM). Good morning, world.

(PS: I think it’s been about a month since we stopped NG feeds! And I’m struggling SO MUCH but I’m still here, I’m still at home. The amount of ugly thoughts (and moments of the voice weighing in) you can put behind in the background of things when you’re desperately trying to stay together with your family in such a tumultuous time is amazing. Like I said, I’m struggling, to even drink, but coffee being my go to helps with that so yeah! I think my fortisips have expired even! That’s a great thing.)