The last time I wrote, forgive me if I don’t recall exactly as I didn’t read it over, we were in the midst of a transition back to Logan hospital. Spoiler: that didn’t happen.

I’ve now been on H Floor 2yrs 2mths 19days (and in hospital just under 3yrs) but the good news is: I’m being prepared for discharge. Discharge HOME. It’s the best news I’ve received in a while yet I’m so frustrated because the team say they’re discharging me but it’s taking time to set up, there’s lots of meetings happening between executives and between the RBWH and Logan (where I will be headed if I need a medical admission) and “supports” being set up. I don’t want these things, I don’t want to see a case manager, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a GP, a dietitian. I desperately want to be in charge of my own life and when I get home I want to do what I like.

I’m so upset with being told one thing (for instance that the process will take about a month) then another (it’s likely to take longer) that I want nothing to do with “hospital things” like bloods, obs, food, feeds, HDU etc etc etc but I’m trying to change my outlook, thinking that maybe I should just go with the flow and maybe that will make things move faster. It’s just that the past week or so I’ve been struggling a lot more than I was, and it feels terrible; I don’t know why I’m reacting badly to good news. One of the nurses says that any change has been hard for me, but why let GOOD change affect me like I am?

Let’s change the subject! Some good news: the team have accepted that I’m going to be medically unstable and that I don’t respond to taking things away from me, so went higher up and got permission to let me have leave even if I don’t hit the mark (discharge may probably be done medically unstable too, which brings in all the “supports”) so I’ve been going for drives with Dad, getting real coffee, going home, seeing Brad and Amy, seeing Calvin, attempting food off the ward etc. BUT VERY IMPORTANTLY I’ve started fortnightly equine therapy which has been wonderful. I do one hour every second Wednesday and it’s really a highlight.

I’m so excited to be at home with my family soon. Honestly I don’t expect things to go well- my headspace hasn’t changed drastically but I AM a totally different person to the one that started this journey so who knows what will happen? I’ve still got a long way to go but I have my family and friends and I’m up for a challenge. Speaking of friends, I was allowed to attend some good friends of mines wedding earlier in the year, which was so much fun! Maybe a little too much fun haha

I want to quickly add that I appreciate all the support I’ve received from so many of you reading this right now. By supporting me you’ve helped me through this chapter of my life, which I am so happy to be putting behind me!