I was meant to be discharged, after months of planning and meetings and disagreements between metro north and metro south, and setting up supports (and more planning) last Friday on the 6th of January. I didn’t meet the medical criteria that I had to hold for 48hrs, so my next chance at going home was Sunday. I didn’t meet criteria. But yesterday, and today, my bloodwork was good enough for the team and here I am!

I have to mention that being in hospital ruined what would have been another special memory for me. I have had family down from Emerald and I was going to take my young cousins to see Mary Poppins at QPAC on the 4th. No surprises for guessing why they wouldn’t let me go; yep, medical instbility. I was devestated, I’d bought a new dress (which of course I can wear again but still), we had dinner plans, and really I was just eager to see the magic such a stage show would bring to the girls. They also wanted to be with me at home when I woke up on my birthday, and I would have been at home was I discharged on the 6th like I was meant to be. They came to the hospital on my birthday (yesterday) though and it was lovely to see them before they left.

Today has been a long time coming and my discharge was dragged out into the afternoon for ward round with the team which I didn’t appreciate because I just wanted to get out of there as soon as my bloodwork came back, but now I don’t see why I was getting so upset, because everything worked out okay and I got to pack my suitcase and strip my hospital bed (by far the best thing about getting discharged).

I must admit there were some mixed feelings about leaving a place I had support 24/7 from people who many of have been with me from the beginning or working closely with me for a long time. I met alot of nice patients too, I watched alot of patients come and go which was disheartening. There was alot of laughter and making light of things, even if that laughter was through tears or during enforced feeds. I formed bonds with alot of staff. I wrote cards and gave gifts to the main players in my admission and I received cards and letters, which are so emotional, and to my absolute shock, a succulent that I had looked after for the psychologist while she was on two weeks leave, and I didn’t kill. Talk about “something meaningful to our relationship.” Now it is mine and I intend to do my best to keep it alive and looking good.

I learned alot and progressed alot, but not as fast or as well as I would have liked or expected from myself. I still have a long way to go, but the rest of my journey is to be done outside the four walls of a hospital. I’ve set up things to look forward to for the next couple of months and plan to keep doing that. I’ve decided that I’m going to take myself to the theatre more often, as I love it so much.

We have an NDIS meeting coming up, but the support I had for 3 days a week which started while I was in the hospital I don’t want to start up again until I’ve settled in at home once more. I think that’s fair. I start equine therapy again this month, which will go back to being fortnightly. I look forward to alot of things (but don’t look forward to all the appointments set up for me) that will be scary but wonderful, like catching up with friends and family I haven’t seen for awhile. Some people, it’s been 3 years. But I always seem to connect right back up when we get together, so it’s worth the anxiety.

Anyway this was just to document my journey home. Since last tuesday when my bloodwork was off and I was told I had to have 48hrs medically stable, I have been drinking in excess of two and a half litres of water a day, on top of feeds and attempts at food. It’s been physically uncomfortable as well as mentally exhausting as drinking water doesn’t come easy to me. I had my head screaming at me all day. I was maxing out PRN so I was trying my best to use other distractions to keep from being sick. The DBT I started has helped. And my eGFR came up so slowly, because every time it gets dangerously low it takes longer to get back, hence the 5 extra days in hospital, which seemed like an eternity after three years. But I had to get it above a certain “magic” number, otherwise when they discharged me when I got home I’d meet criteria for a medical admission straight away. That’s all I’m going to have now, is the plan they’ve come up with. If I meet criteria for a medical admission, I’m to go to medical, becaome medically stable again, then get discharged straight home. No more lengthy psych admissions. I am so glad to see them behind me.

I want to thank my immediate family and my extended family, and all my friends for being so supportive and keeping me in your thoughts. I could not have made it to this point without all of you.

Anyway I’m going to stop now and go back to binging Emily in Paris. I can’t sleep it seems, and I’ve had enough of trying on my wardrobe to see what doesn’t fit or what I just want to donate. There is time for such things tomorrow, or the next day. Or whenever I please, now that I’m at home.