so broken but so blessed.

I know it’s been awhile but I haven’t been well. I made it to the wedding (!) and it was so absolutely lovely to be around close family and friends and I just feel so honoured to have been there and to witness the squishing together of two of my absolutely favourite people in my life.

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Dissociation: the facts

Last week has been a rollercoaster ride for everyone. And a couple of ambulance ones for me. I’ve dissociated the last Thursday and Friday nights. As if coming “free” of these times of dissociation and feeling totally out of it wasn’t enough, it’s working out my last steps for clues about what’s happened.

TW for the next little while… Read More

Eating Disorders Inc

Today is week 3, day 3 of this admission and this time I haven’t stepped foot out of the hospital doors. It’s even looking like it may be a little while more before that happens. I’m not “medically stable” enough, the treatment team are saying, even if I was mentally okay (which if I’m honest with myself, I’m not.) Because, if you can believe it, they are talking chronic starvation. Read More

If you don’t love me in my relapse, you don’t deserve me after my recovery.

I’ve done it! I’m officially halfway through my treatment (the doctor who was on this morning was telling me) and we’ve managed, with the help of the hospital, to do it as an outpatient. And Mum hasn’t been too well lately, so I’ve been really, really appreciative of being able to just leave recovery after treatments three times a week, and come home with her! It’s so much better than trying to arrange leave from inpatient- what with all the restrictions they put on me (and I usually end up going backwards when I try to manage in hospital).

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But first, coffee… no, I mean recovery.

Things aren’t going too well. I’m still struggling so much. I don’t know what to do. As I established last post, there’s not much i can do except try my hardest to continue with the plans we’d put into place already. I’ve been really, really big on distraction the last couple of days. There are a few things I am doing to keep my mind busy.

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