I thought that I should do a short update because it’s been a little while. Things are happening that are out of my control, and that’s scary. But it’s not permanent.
Things have been pretty much going downhill for awhile now but I can see that (when it’s usually difficult for me to see) and I want to change the course of things (if not for me but my family and friends.)
FIRST THINGS FIRST: I’M AT HOME!
I don’t know exactly what to say at the moment because everything seems to be getting worse as time passes and I don’t want a terribly negative post but I have been asked for an update! So read on if you want to, but if you don’t I understand.
I can’t get over this week. It’s been one hell of a week, and I’ve only been out of hospital 10 days. It’s been crazy busy. And so very exhausting, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, being at home is just wonderful (I wouldn’t mind changing the frequency of my dissociations, or the constant barrage of the voice, or the fact that I have to take my meds and feeds because that was a dependent factor of my discharge. It sucks, because doing both these things distress me so.)
I’ve done it! I’m officially halfway through my treatment (the doctor who was on this morning was telling me) and we’ve managed, with the help of the hospital, to do it as an outpatient. And Mum hasn’t been too well lately, so I’ve been really, really appreciative of being able to just leave recovery after treatments three times a week, and come home with her! It’s so much better than trying to arrange leave from inpatient- what with all the restrictions they put on me (and I usually end up going backwards when I try to manage in hospital).
Everything these days is go, go, go. This week has been so FULL. Not much home time at all. And while I am not complaining, because I’ve gotten to spend time with Mum and family and friends (and get lots of appointments over and done with), I think it’s important for everyone to acknowledge that you need that time where you can sit down and do whatever you want to do without thinking about all the things you have to do and the places you have to go. Just take the time to watch an episode of Comedians in Cars getting Coffee (yes! it’s finally on Australian Netflix!). Just take the time to read a chapter of your book. Just take the time to update your diary or journal. Just take the time to duck out for that yoga class. Just take the time to give yourself a manicure. These little acts of self care are important for your mental health and I am slowly training myself to spend more time on the little things.