Ketamine troubles.

So I was asked to update on my situation and I realize it has been quite awhile. Things have been hard.

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ACTing like I’m fine, as per usual.

If you don’t feel normal, fake it. My mum said words to this effect years ago and they’ve really helped me through some tough times and situations. I wish she were here now to see me trying my best in all areas of my life, because I am. I’m really really trying to hold things together and step out of my comfort zone in order to reach for my goals, even if I have to fake it most of the time!

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Goals; don’t let go.

DO NOT give up on life throwing you around. Ignore the bad thoughts you have to spend an insane amount of time on… grab on to what you need. You have to fight, to say no. Also comparison, it only sets fuel to the fire of self hate which gets you nowhere. Love each memory: each smile, each laugh, each sparkle. Don’t forget to grab some this time for you, because you will need  relaxation and reflection time, just for you. Read More

Dissociation: the facts

Last week has been a rollercoaster ride for everyone. And a couple of ambulance ones for me. I’ve dissociated the last Thursday and Friday nights. As if coming “free” of these times of dissociation and feeling totally out of it wasn’t enough, it’s working out my last steps for clues about what’s happened.

TW for the next little while… Read More

To do: live in the moment

I can’t get over this week. It’s been one hell of a week, and I’ve only been out of hospital 10 days. It’s been crazy busy. And so very exhausting, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, being at home is just wonderful (I wouldn’t mind changing the frequency of my dissociations, or the constant barrage of the voice, or the fact that I have to take my meds and feeds because that was a dependent factor of my discharge. It sucks, because doing both these things distress me so.)

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A bonsai called David

Yesterday, after 51 days, I was once again discharged from hospital- even though everyone was resigned to the fact I’m not at all ready for it (my mood hits the lowest lows these days and I’m still struggling with my eating disorder) they still all agreed I needed to be at home the present moment.

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